The ISPCRY (International Society for the Perpetuation of Cruelty to Racing Yachtsmen, aka the “Moosehead Committee”) is an organization dedicated to calling attention – in a good-natured way – to the foibles and fumbles of various race committees. For the uninitiated, the perpetrators of the most significant race management moose-demeanors receive real stuffed mooseheads for their troubles. Other less egregious instances are rewarded with mounted body parts of other animals. The ISPCRY also awards citations to those race committees and other race officials for work above-and-beyond.
The last few years have seen a bumper-crop of nominees (which can be submitted by anyone anony-moosely), forcing the committee to work late into the night – fueled by no small quantity of adult beverages – to make difficult decisions as to which incidents were “moose-worthy” and which were not.
This year, however, something is different. Thom Hering, Chair of the secretive ISPCRY, is anxious about the lack of nominations. “It seems as if there has been a sudden outbreak of extreme competence by the race committees. To date, we have only received a couple of nominations, none rising to the level of a full moose.”
“After being in ‘business’ for almost eighty years, it seems more likely that, rather than a sudden improvement in RC performance, sailors simply have not reported the gaffes,” Hering continued. “Have there been no marks sent adrift? No scrambled signal flags? No Sailing Instructions with indecipherable language, or courses over rocks?! We may have to resort to sabotage, such as divers cutting the anchor lines of marks, or wrapping committee boats’ props with line, or supergluing all their flags together.”
Please, if you have any moose-matters to report, send them to the Moosehead Hotline at firstname.lastname@example.org. The hotline is monitored daily. All reports will be kept confidential. ■