There are things in life I still haven’t figured out, which – for a late middle-aged guy – speeds past embarrassment into the badlands of WTF-is-wrong-with-you. I still can’t get sports conferences right and too many terms remain muddled. Why can’t Duke play Kansas in the regular season? And what the hell is a pick and roll?
Maybe I’m less so encumbered when it comes to sailing, boating and the salty ennui that follows time on the ocean. Yes, I remain confused as to why 11th Hour Racing wasn’t obligated to bear away in that 2023 Ocean Race collision (I thought the racing rules required avoiding contact if reasonably possible), but less so when it comes to sailors. I know your motley lot or at least I think I do, which brings me to my first season-starting annual list of phrases you won’t hear a sailor say IMO:
I like fighting a weather helm.
What puts me to sleep is the sound of the bilge pump.
Port! Port!
Westerbeke got us around that windward mark.
Leave those fenders out, they look good.
That fishing dragger bearing down on us slowed and changed its course.
I wish the Black Pearl made a better chowder.
New England sailing is about on par with its skiing.
The New England fog makes the NYYC Annual Regatta
so much fun.
I’ve got plenty of ice.
The holding tank never seems full.
Yeah, give me one those “light and calm” drinks y’all are
known for.
Sometimes I steal the kid’s Opti and just bang around
the Bay.
© Lutz Kohne/Class Globe 5.80
The ClassGlobe 5.80 is about the right size for an around-
the-world race.
I joined the yacht club for the food.
Yeah, I read the Notice of Race.
Seizing wire? Don’t touch the stuff.
I like a harbor where we get that rolling motion when we’re
at anchor.
They were right, we owed them room at that leeward mark.
Docking is easy with our folding prop and a small diesel engine.
I don’t need new sails.
Like anyone in some niche, from the soybean farmer to the textile worker, the lingo and attitude you use is the patois of what you practice. In a way, it’s a symbol of your expertise and knowledge. Take pride in having chuckled at a few of these phrases because you doing so is a testament to your immersion in something you enjoy. You know its bits and pieces and because of that, I’d argue, you’re a better sailor and mariner than someone who doesn’t. Not better in a win/lose matrix, but better in the context of enjoyment and safety. A deep understanding of the language of what you love translates into better and more visceral experiences. Us maritime lawyers are no different and it wouldn’t be hard to gin-up a similar list of phrases where the nuance would make an admiralty attorney chuckle – well, those of us with a sense of humor!
There are other and less friendly phrases such as “Protest!” In the interest of conveying a maritime legal peppercorn (a spicy one!), be careful in a protest meeting. Depending on the circumstances (and the terms of the yacht race), the protest committee’s findings may bind you on related property or personal-injury claims. It’s a startling (nay, head splitting) thought, so keep your maritime lawyer’s number (and a libation) close.
This is my favorite time of year where the promise of summer is there, but it hasn’t yet spoiled itself. I’ve got two beehives going and they’re doing their thing with such persistence and energy it makes me a wee bit annoyed. Bees set the bar high for productivity, but maybe we should avoid mimicking them for the next few months. We’re not making sweet honey; we’re making salty memories. Slow the momentum and let those Kodachrome images roll past in all that Technicolor where it’ll stick good. It’s what I’ll be doing – well, that, and plotting a mid-summer theft of honey.
Underway and making way. ■
John K. Fulweiler, Esq. is a Proctor-in-Admiralty representing individuals and small businesses in maritime matters including personal injury claims throughout the East and Gulf Coasts and with his office in Newport, Rhode Island. He can be reached at 1-800-383-MAYDAY (6293) or john@saltwaterlaw.com, or visit his website at saltwaterlaw.com.
